Cut in Half
Currently Listening to Jammed! by Phil Keaggy
Is my life meant to be split up into pieces?
When I am home, I feel alive and free and joy. Life is good.
When I sit in this chair at work, I feel lost, alone and pointless.
I feel like the animals that Abraham split apart down the center into two pieces when he made the covenant with God . . . namely . . . that feeling wold be . . . dead.
Maybe it is just part of the fall, that we must endure futility.
Sometimes I wonder if my feelings are stronger than the reality, but then I look at myself. Here is what I do in the office that convinces me that I’m not putting my heart into it:
* I put off the daily tasks of my job as long as possible.
* I figure out how to put the least effort into any request I get.
* I escape from my office through the radio (news of a real world out there) and music (people actually feeling an emotion about something).
* I can’t even think when I get up in the morning why it is that I need to get into the office on time.
I have skills, and I can be very good at my job, but I find myself suddenly losing interest in the skill of my own hands. It is a strange feeling. Like a man who has been a carpenter for a decade suddenly sitting down, and looking at his hands, and realizing that he has no pleasure in their skill or in the products that he creates.
What I crave is to:
* Help people
* Innovate
* Discover
Maybe this is simply the sacrifice that must be made for those I live for. Maybe this is just the curse that we all live under. Maybe I’m just a malcontent.
Posted 1/5/2007 10:44 AM
2 Comments:
dude dont worry im with you. on the office part I have no clue but on the part about helping peple and discovering it is so true. not one day goes by that I dont think hey how bout I find something new to do for today instead of doing the same old stupid work thing. your not alone man. lol
chris
Posted 1/6/2007 7:18 PM by mynameischrisandimbored
Ya sure nailed it, Christen! I know EXACTLY the feelings you described. I go online an work for the same reasons you go to the radio and music (like right now…)
Why do we calling it making a living, when it isn’t?
Posted 1/8/2007 1:01 PM by Krash2Fly
